“I'm not the silly romantic you think. I don't want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don't want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want... a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”
I was listening to "Paradise" by Coldplay yesterday when I was struck by truth. Simple truth.
"When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly
La-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She'd say, "oh, ohohohoh I know the sun must set to rise"
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh"
When I was little I dreamed of everything-- from being a professional softball player/model/spokesperson to a veterinarian married to a tall handsome jock prince living in Malibu. I dreamed about dreams, goals, childhood, adult hood... every detail of life bounced with exuberance... in my dreams.
23 years later, am I who I imagined I would be? Am I where; surrounded by those I imagined I would be? ...Somewhere along the way I stopped dreaming.
As life didn't turn out as planned, I got lost in the past.
The memories.
Now, I'm constantly playing catchup.
Steady chasing the clock as it terminally ticks
to its tumultuous tempest of a tock.
It's important to evaluate your heart. Is it latching onto attractive depravity or the absolute truth? We're called to the love the unlovely, so I give my heart, all my emotions -- all in the name of "love." But is it really "love" when you "love" for your own good? You love someone "oh so much" that you're going to hold on even when God tells you to let go. There is tension in change. Sanctification is a process of growth into becoming an image of Christ. I can't become jaded from the process of the battle. I get sad when my life doesn't look like "I dreamed" because frankly I need to stop dreaming more about "my dreams" and more about changing my heart in line with God's dreams. If that means I let something go, or I walk down a bumpy path... alone, well then so be it. I'm forever wanting something that God is telling me I just don't need. That doesn't mean forever, but not right now. More than likely, if I spent less time resisting or dwelling and opened my mind and heart up to the stretching and pulling of growth then what I want and what I need will align.
If I want to look more like Jesus that requires a major face lift. Literally, turn that face upward towards the sky and rest in the beauty of change. The beauty of possibility. In that reality, in that truth, lies the full ability and grace of dreams.
Don't let your dreams end just because you're no longer a child. But instead use the wisdom of age and dream in what's worthy of dreaming about. God. And his heart for you and your future.
No Response to "forever what I want, never what I need "
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