"IT FEELS SO GOOOOOD TO BE BACK"

Posted by Fidelity in

It's Saturday morning and I woke up to a fresh and familiar scent. The scent of family and love. Tousled around in my high school sheets the clock struck 7am and I opened my eyes with a smile. Two days ago I could have never imagined being here. The one place I desired to be the most. The one place I wished I could click my heels together and make everything bad go away. The one place where I wanted to find myself embraced in the arms of my mom and comforted by the words of my dad and humored with the whit of Jasmin and connected with the familiarity of my sister Miaje.

It feels so gooood to be back.

~Friday~

Heading to the airport at 5am yesterday morning with Summer I couldn't have been any happier. Aside from the few texts I got from my teammates wondering where I was, I couldn't have been readier to leave this town.

Once the airport touched base in Phoenix, I literally pummeled over anyone who came in my way. I was on a mission. A mission to get to my parents. Greeted by our rental Mazda6, me and the parents went to Quiznos for a nice lunch. We then met Ajee at her physical therapy (some of the first steps to getting back after her accident). She had no idea I was in town. She was laying on the bed with heat on her back and I just walked up behind her and said "Hey" she robotically responded "Hey" back and then quickly had a stunned look on her face and just stared at me. She could barely muster the words to say "what are you doing here?" ha it was so cute. Ha, well then me and my parents went to pick Jazz up from school, who also didn't know I was coming. My dad crafted the plan that I would sit on a rock on a random street with my hood on and back to the street. They would pick Jazz up and then upon approaching this "random girl on a rock" they would have Jazz get out and ask if she needed a ride. Ha, well, Jazz was so scared she wouldn't get out of the car. It was hilarious. So then mom got out and asked if I needed a ride. As I turned my head around. Jazz's face went white! She had huge eyes, and couldn't say a word. Ha, I got in the car and she still couldn't say anything. In fact, she started crying. It was absolutely perfect. I gave her a big hug and told her I loved her. Oh, that surprise couldn't have been any better.

Then we ran some family errands like the bank and grocery store. Came home, played with the doggies (KC is so precious, she is aging beautifully, and Tucker is helping keep her young, who is also very cute and getting bigger), went for a bike ride, played catch and cooked dinner. Not to mention when me and Jazz ran to the grocery store real quick and she sang nearly every word to every single song off of the Justin Bieber cd. Ha, it was great. Taco's and Bree's tortilla chips (that no one ate for dinner), followed by a couple episodes of Tyler Perry. Perfect day, perfect family.

~Saturday~

Wake up and daddy's making waffles. Mmmm. Go outside and play with the puppies for a while and it's time to get ready for Jazz's big day. We got dressed, had a little photo shoot outside and went to Jazz's games. We dropped Jazz and Dad off at the gym because she had to ref her first game, so we went to the mall to find jewelry and shoes for Ajee's prom dress.

Then went back for Jazz's game. Oh my goodness. When I imagined in my head a little 11 year old playing vball for the first year in her life, I imagined little girls struggling to get the ball over the net. Never did I ever imagine my sister jumping and hitting balls at the other team and serving aces. She astonished me. She was absolutely amazing. I couldn't believe it. She was definitely a top contender for the best player on the entire court (and there were at least 8 teams playing at once). She's definitely one of the most athletic girls I've ever seen. I'm honored to be her big sister lol, except she puts me to shame.

After Jazz's games, her team sang Happy Birthday and ate cupcakes. Then, we went to Red Robbin for diner (at like 11pm) ha it was great.

~Sunday~

JAZZY'S 12!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE!

I love CCV. Almost at much as my family, I love that church. It's remarkable how it's definitely one of the larger churches I've been to, yet it still has a small feel. I feel so connected with all the people there, and I only go there like a couple weekends out of the year. Ha, well ya the service was about "radical parenting", the pastor interviewed this guy that wrote a Christian book on it and it was good. It was neat though, because the music really spoke to me. Think about it when we sing how great is our God, we are worshiping the Lord, but more than that. When you're going through tough times and you sing how GREAT IS OUR GOD, and you praise him through the good and bad. THEN ALL WILL SEE, HOW GREAT, HOW GREAT, IS OUR GOD.

Also, I was thinking about for my dad specifically but when you're tested or going through a dry time, this adds to your witness. It adds credibility to your testimony, which in the long run will bring others to Christ.

And also, when the speaker was talking about different household scenarios I was so grateful like man, I really do have the best parents in the world. And then, I was like right now we could be financially flourishing but spiritually dead (as a family and individuals- I could be pregnant, Miaje could be into trouble- but we're not, we're blessed to be where we are- and I think it's important that we remember that) It's more important to be spiritually alive and producing fruit than it is to be producing green. God doesn't care about that and neither should we. He cares about us more than the birds and lilies in the field. They do not worry, so neither should we.

Lets see, after church, we went to Red Robbin again for Jazz's bday. And then the mall, looked at the cool new "ipads" and then we went home and chilled, procrastinating mom's quick coming departure.

~Monday~

Mom left early in the morning like 2am, in order to get to work on time.

Ajee was off at school.

It was just me, jazz, dad, and the dogs.

Dad made cream of wheat and then we left on our bikes to go take Jazz to school. It was a fun little bike ride. But sad once we got to Jazzy's school and had to say bye.

Then me and dad went to the church field and took grounders and hit whiffle balls. It was an okay practice. But I think it was good, because it was the first time I was able to let out my emotions. I got really upset and down on myself, not because I was doing bad. Just because I was made blatantly aware of my imperfections, and that I'll never play for UGA. I felt stupid for even pursuing this dream, and now that I've had two years off from playing and being in game situations, it's going to be hard to ever be a key consistent player. It's just hard because I feel scarred. Scarred from the pain coach has still left on me. Because even when I'm not practicing with her, her complaints and bickering still run through my head and I'm left feeling highly inadequate.

But my dad just told me that all I can do is "BE THE BEST ME I CAN BE" and if that's not enough, well then that's nobody's fault. He said I shouldn't feel stupid for pursuing UGA, because that was my dream. And who's to say someone shouldn't pursue their dream, because I don't want to look back on my life and say what if.

Like always, I'm thankful for my dad and his wisdom, and ability to listen.

It was a great trip home, and helped me put things in a brigher perspective. Although coach may not want me, and she may not care if I'm apart of this team, and want to leave me for their traveling events. My worth is not in coach. My worth is on the one person who is always the same, who is always amazing, and thankfully will never change his love for me.

I love the Lord for loving me, and I live my life to show that to all.